Jade, Bashfully smiling for the camera (FYI: big! Not scaled down! )

Nova, who likes to be "ah'si'e"

I met my husband eight years ago. I think I loved him from the very start, I just didn't know it then. We were in a couple of classes together- Biology and gym. I remember being annoyed that he was answering our science teachers' questions before I had an opportunity. Then I met him in gym class. Kelly introduced him as Nick, and I remember being confused because I thought his name was Forrest. He cracked some jokes about, oh, I don't know, artifical intelligence or some other techno-stuff. I thought, What a weirdo! But I was intrigued, and definately wanted to get to know him better. We had lunch in the cafeteria and get to be friends. Thinking about him made me smile, and he could always make me laugh.

I am just thrilled that our love has lasted. Thinking about him (almost!) always makes me smile, and he's still pretty darn talented at making me laugh. I get annoyed with him from time to time, but never for long. I know I bitch and complain far too much. But I think he's just about the greatest guy ever.

Maybe we do have our differences, and I occasionally feel mad that my parents "let" me get married, (how clueless was *I* about what I was getting into at age 17?!) but boy oh boy has it been worth it. My family means the world to me. I am blessed beyond measure, and I hope I can always see that.

He bought me a couple of stretch lace bras and a soft pair of fitted black pants. Boy, oh boy, am I ever one HOT mama! I'll have to post a picture of me in my new, smaller clothes when I get some new batteries in the camera. :-)

Five years ago today, Forrest and I were married under the bright sun and magical skies by "Cardinal" Bacik of the Hollygrove Renaissance Festival in Holly Michigan. In addition to about four dozen friends and family member attending, many, many other well wishers stopped by to watch the ceremony, wondering if it was real.

Cardinal Bacik welcomed everyone, beginning the ceremony by saying,

"Angels, magicians, wizards, and all good beings, join with us on this happy day and let this be a day of gladness, thanksgiving, possibility, and good fortune for all of us, but especially Laura and Forrest, who are here to demonstrate and celebrate their love. We live in the hope of loving and being loved. Love is a miraculous gift, and a wedding is a celebration of that magic."

Forrest and I stated our intentions:

"to have and to hold, to love and to cherish, in sickness and in health, in good times and bad."

We stated our vows, saying

"I accept you as my wife(husband), with your strengths and your weaknesses; I will be true to you in all things. I will share what I have and who I am. I will love enought to risk being hurt, trust when I misunderstand. I will keep you in heartache, celebrate life with you in joy, and recieve you as my equal; So help me God."

We then exchanged our rings, each saying,

"With this ring, I thee wed/ and with it, I bestow upon thee/ all of my treasures/ of mind, heart and soul."

Finally Cardinal Bacik made his closing statement, concluding our ceremony.

"Laura and Forrest, May your joys be as sweet as spring flowers that grow, As bright as a fire when winter winds blow, As countless as leaves that float down in the fall, As serene as the Love that Keeps watch over all. I now pronounce you husband and wife! You may kiss your bride.

It was an amazing wonderful day.

I realized last night that I was edging my way into a manic episode. :-( I've had a nice long lucuid interval, but mania has been sneaking up on me. So I'm going to crack open my control journal, take things one at a time, and go easy on myself.

I feel slightly assinine posting this here. I feel strangely embarassed about "being" bipolar, moreso because I don't have the sterotypical manic-depressive symptoms. My symptoms are not so outwardly dramatic. Usually it (mania or hypomania) starts with my energy. Not, in and of itself, a bad thing. But I start taking on more and more, and my mind get so much more active- at times it almost feels like my brain is on fire, it's going so fast. Of course, it's so intense that I have trouble acting on even the simplest things. Not unlike when I fall into a depression, which is generally quick on the heels of an "up" episode.

You have to assume that people who KNOW YOU are going to read it. Which sometimes (like when you write about the cute things your kids are doing) is a good thing. But when you post something very intense and personal (like information about mental illness or a birth story)... We'll, it's hard to figure out what works best for you.

So WHY am I posting this personal entry here, on my public weblog? Why risk that I might feel embarassed, or people will pity me or treat me differently? Geez, I don't know. I guess I'd like to think that everyone who reads here is at least moderately kind hearted, and maybe even my friend. If one of my friends was struggling with her mood, I wouldn't be judgemental, and I would want to know so I could try and find a way to support her. Whether that support be just lighting a candle, or taking her kids to the park for an hour or two, I'd want to be there so she didn't feel quite so discouraged or alone. In no way do I expect, or really even want, to be treated differently, I just want to feel as if I'm not alone. I know other people are out there who have gone through the same thing. Because of the stigma attached to mental illness, and just asking for help when you're down (no mental illness neccessarily), there's not a ton of talk about these issues, and it's a bloomin' shame.

Update: For what it's worth, I am feeling a lot better this afternoon. I felt kind of HEAVY when I woke up this morning, but I feel pretty good now, just takin' it easy, doing things one at a time.

We had a great camping trip, but I'm sick now and I feel SO BAD. I'm wondering if something I ate didn't set well with me or something, I don't know. I swear I was in the bathroom at least every 20 minutes almost the entire day yesterday. Blah. Being sick sucks.

Nova is my commited nurser. It feels slightly odd at times to have "such a big girl" nursing, and at other times, it seems totally natural. Of course, it IS totally natural and I am a huge propontent of ecological breastfeeding, but at times I do get a distict sense of how unusual my parenting choices are when contrasted with those of society as a whole. I joked to Nick this weekend that "Nova is my commited nurser- I think we'll still be nursing through high school." I know that's an exageration, but humor is a good cover for discomfort.

I finally got my first moon. Now if you're squemish and uncomfortable with terms like "cervical fluid," you might want to skip the rest of this post. :-) Anyway, about a month ago I noticed a change in my basic infertile pattern, so decided to start charting regularily again. Within a few days, the sensation I had when I wiped went from "nothing" to "hmm, that's different" to "Wheeee!" LOL! I, unfortunately, was sick, so my temps were slightly elevated and I didn't have a noticable temperature shift. However, about a week after I noticed that my cervical fluid had changed, I had a VERY noticable dry up and my cervix lowered and closed up tight and hard. Six days later I got my first postpartum period.

Now maybe I am strange, but I find the whole thing both comforting and amazing. How amazingly AWESOME is it that by following half a dozen natural mothering guidelines, I stayed in LAM for SEVENTEEN MONTHS following the birth of my second baby? There were a few times where I nervously thought, "could this be it? did I O?" But I had ample warning when I did finally ovulate and my first cycle was essentially infertile (due to a very short luteal phase/ low progesterone). I'm just fascinated with how my body works.

I'm going camping tomorrow. I have a TON of stuff to get done today. But I'm busy procrastinating right now, so I thought I'd stop mindlessly surfing the net and blog a bit. Uh, you know, organize and stuff.

Let's see.... So far I've got most of our cooking utensils packed. I'm not-quite-caught-up with the laundrey, so of course I need to work on that before I can finish packing our clothes. I did run some errands this morning. I went and weighed in (where Nova knocked over and broke a huge, expensive photo frame!) I lost exactly 1 pound. OMG, so close, yet so far away! Next week, surely I can eat normally and hit my first goal next week. After I weighed in I took my path of destruction to the grocery store. It took us about and hour and a half to get the things we needed, but I also planned out our meals, so that makes it not so bad. (Breakfasts- oatmeal, sausage links, toast; Lunch- potato salad, potluck, subs; Dinner- BBQ Chicken w/ asparagus, grilled salmon and mixed veggies, and grilled hamburgers.)

What's left to do this evening? Finish packing, at least 2 loads of laundry, tidy kitchen and living room, load as much stuff into the jeep as possible (not forgetting to put the directions into the glove compartment), stop by the library to drop off books and pick a few up, make dinner, print out homeschool planning stuff, and go to homeschool kindy co-op planning meeting at 7:30.

Whew! Maybe I ought to go set my timer and get crackin! :-)

-Perfect- You're the perfect girlfriend. Which means you're rare or that you cheated :P You're the kind of chick that can hang out with your boyfriend's friends and be silly. You don't care about presents or about going to fancy places. Hell, just hang out. You're just happy being around your boyfriend.

What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

When I add an entry, does my html remain valid?

Well, well, it seems to! Yah! THANK YOU to my husband who fixed it all up for me.