When I was first pregnant with my daughter, it never really occured to me to stay at home with her. I thought I'd go back to school as soon as possible, put her in daycare, and when I was done with my high school classes, I'd get a job and try to start saving. It surpised me when it didn't work out that way.

Jade was born and I fell completely in love with her. The first day I went to school without her, I felt like my heart was going to break! I was so glad when I got back home and was able to have her in my arms again. I had never imagined the kind of powerful love I felt for my sweet child. I finished out my classes, but it wasn't always easy. It was always hard to leave her, and sometimes it was hard to find a sitter. I was really lucky though. I had quite a few family members volunteer to do childcare for us. I realize now that there's no way we could have gone the daycare route unless we went on government aid. With the help of our families, we didn't have to do that. Anyway, back to the point! Our families really pitched in so I could finish school. My Mom and Dad, Nick's mom, and Nick's aunts all helped by taking care of Jade while I finished high school. One of my teachers was also unusually generous and allowed me to bring Jade to class with me. For that, I am FOREVER grateful!

My classes were done in mid January. I don't really remember ever discussing whether to stay home with Jade or get a job with Nick. It just sort of happened. Nick made adequate money for us to get by on, and he never asked me to get a job. It never really occured to me to seek one out at the time. It seemed like it would cost more for daycare and other related expenses than I'd make at a minimum wage job, so I just stayed home.

I'm glad I stayed home for those months, though I must admit, it wasn't easy. I had postpartum depression, and never really managed to get treated for it. We had insurance, but all the providers on our plan were far away. And we only had one car, and... I had many excuses. I saw a therapist a few times. It helped a bit, but I gave up before I really gave the guy a good chance. I missed my friends, and it was hard to adapt to such a major lifestyle change. I felt like I didn't really fit in anywhere, which is a hard place to be. So I spent a lot of time over at my parents. They really helped me through some tough times, but I know now that all the time I spent at my Mom's didn't help NIck and I get any closer.

I started back to school in September. Jade was ten months old at the time, and almost exclusively nursing. She had an occasional jar of baby food, or a bit of something off my plate, but nothing substantial. Amazingly (and luckily) enough, we both thrived with our new schedule. It wa a crazy one for me though! I was up by 7 every morning, and had to be out the door by 8:15 or so. Took Jade to daycare and hung out for a few minutes while she got comfortable. It never took long, she seemed to love it there. Then I'd drive a few blocks to school and park. Off to work from 9 to 11 or 11:30. I'd walk back to the daycare for lunch and to nurse Jade. At first she'd nurse to sleep, but eventually she decided it was way more fun to stay up and play with me. :-) I liked the time we spent together at lunch, it was really special, to us both, I think. Then I'd go off to class until 4ish. After a few months, I got hired on at the daycare in a preschool room. I'd drive to the daycare, nurse for a few minutes, and then head down to my room. I'd stay till the last of my kids left (generally before 6) and then go get Jade. I didn't make much money, but now my childcare expenses were only $42 a week, easily paid by what I made there.

That was a crazy period. I'm really glad I did it, although I don't know that I'd attempt such a thing again! I took a full load of classes at the University of Michigan for two semesters. Jade was 16 months when we decided to move across country. In May, right after Jade turned 18 months, the two of us flew across the country, to San Francisco, CA, to our new home. It seemed pointless to me to try and continue my education at that point. I still didn't have a clue what I wanted to do with my life, I would have had to pay out-of-state tuition rates, and besides, I really had very little desire to go back to school. I wanted to stay home and relax- enjoy my baby! So I did.

Okay, so a whole lot of stuff has happened since that move. But ever since Jade was 18 months old, I've been a stay at home mama. And I love it! I wouldn't trade it for the world! We struggle sometimes to make ends meet. San Francisco is an expensive place to live. But it is so worth it to me!

We've got a nice little rhythm to our lives now, and I'm finally over the PPD I had when she was a lil tyke. We try to get outside every day. We live near a big park, and often go for walks there. Sometimes we work on our overgrown back yard. Nearly every Tuesday we go to the playground for our API-SF playgroup. THAT is wonderful. I've never met such great mamas! I feel like I belong to part of a community, and it is so great.