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Keep on Playin'

playin in This Mama's Madness...

I had my surgery and I'm home.

Actually came home last night around 4 or 5, but I didn't spend a whole lot of time on the computer. The surgery was a success. The cyst came out, along with the tube that it had wrapped itself around and mangled beyond belief. I woke up pretty groggy, but wasn't in much pain at all. In fact, I just took motrin yesterday. This morning I took one of the stronger pain pills, but I've just had motrin since then. I'm pretty tender, but pleased to have it over and done with. I feel relieved that the cyst didn't do more damage than it actually did. The doctor didn't discuss it with me, but I know one of the risks of leaving a cyst in so long is the possibility that it could cut off blood circulation to that ovary. So I guess I am lucky. No excruciating ruptures, and both my ovaries are intact. No nausea or vomiting.

So the past 8 weeks or so have been somewhat painful at times.

I decided mid-December that it was time for a change. Appropriate time of year, although I didn't really realize it at the time. An ending and a new beginning, a time of rebirth. Anyway, I knew it was time for a change, although I wasn't sure of the hows or whys. Only that I was unsatisfied with the state of my life, and that it was time to BE the change I wanted in my life. I want to be the change I wish to see in the world.

The first thing I did was sign off on almost all of the online communities I used to participate in. For the first week or so, everytime there was a lull in the activity of the day, I would find myself sitting down at the computer, ready to surf parenting forums and blogs. It was shocking to realize just how often I went to sit at the computer. I was really not quite sure what to do with myself.

So next I started a big project- I tore apart the kids room with intent to rearrange and moved the (unused) loft bed to the living room to be used as a couch/ fort/ canopy bed/ play structure instead. Of course I burnt myself out in the kids room and it's still trashed.

During this time, I've done a LOT of meditating, thinking, journaling, and praying. I've seen things about myself that I really don't like, and tried to begin taking steps to change those traits and habits. Oddly, several food sensitivities came to the surface painfully at this time. In addition to my known allergy to shrimp, I've discovered a sensitivity to several alcohols (spiced rum and wine), and recognized an annoying sensitivity to banana. Plus MSG, of course, although either my allergy to MSG is worsening, or I've never realized the seriousness of it before. All that to say, I'm emotionally and physically cleansing, and I think lots of issues are rising to the surface, painfully causing reactions. I hate that, although I know it's healthy.

So the lenten season is approaching, and though I am a fallen Catholic, I feel called to celebrate in the season this year. The days begin to lengthen and Spring approaches. Traditionally, this is the time of year that the food stores began to run low before spring greens, eggs, and so on became available. It is a time to search deeply to discover what resources you have. It becomes a time both of deprivation and creative plenty. For me, it will be a time of continued cleansing and purification.

I'm not sure yet exactly what this is going to look like. In this day and age, there are no food stores which have begun to run out. I can run up to the grocery any time and pick up whatever. My intention is not to do that though. I have chosen first to give up fast food. This is a really big deal to me, we eat out a LOT. For six weeks, I will make the extra effort to fix my family simple, nourishing meals at home. When I shop, I hope to stick primarily with whole foods, and I'll be reading labels- no more trans fats, no more MSG. (That means no more Campbells Soups!)

Changes are happening in other, more important ways. I'm working to listen to my inner voice, to my children's voices. I'm focusing on tending my body and my spirit, and nourishing the connections between myself and others that I love- my children, my husband, my family. My friends those I know already and those yet to be made. Lots to do, lots to feel.

I woke up Saturday Morning

With a deep case of the BLAHS.

I need to go be the change...

Finally a chance to sit and write (I think!)

Okay, three hours later...!

We've been super dupe busy around here the past few months. It's been wonderful! Mostly, anyway, considering the fact that we keep getting one virus after another, and have had several huge disruptions to our normal routines. As I mentioned, we went to Michigan and came home again. I was in my lovely sister's wedding, as were the girls. It was quite beautiful. Not my style, but just beautiful all the same. It amazes me how two people, raised in the same home, same town, with the same parents can turn out so differently, yet also be so similar.

I didn't manage to do most of the outings I had planned with the kids because we all developed miserable colds (and E was cutting a molar!), but we spent loads of time with family, played in the snow and the hot tub, and said goodbye to my beloved old dog lady. That was a bit painful, and I am still so sad to have let her go. She was old for a Rottie, had arthritis, and was beginning to go deaf and blind. She had started snapping at people, and it was just her time, I suppose. Although I only saw her twice a year or so, she was "my" dog, and she will be missed. :-( Nick and I have been talking about getting a dog for a long time, and after spending some time with Lady, and my parents dog Shadow, I think I might be ready for adding a pet to our family. Maybe. It's a big responsibility, so we will see. I guess when the time is right, we'll know it?

So we've been home a week and a half, and things are slowly getting back to normal. Laundry is almost caught up, and dishes just about caught up as well. We're due for a major decluttering and re-arranging. I think I may invest in some sort of storage unit, or possibly just a bunch of plastic bins. (Preferably see through!)