I am not going to do my routines. I am not going to wash my hair or face and I am CERTAINLY not going to shine my sink or scrub my toilet or vacuum my floors. I am going on a STRIKE!

I may go to the library though. And I might take my kids to the park. Maybe. Or maybe we'll go to the store, buy bon bons, come home and eat them in front of the tv while watching soaps and letting my freshly painted toenails dry.... Nah.

I hate diapers. I am tired of changing diapers. I did some elimination communication with Nova when she was wee. Somewhere along my "losing my mind and debating the funny farm" trip, I lost my connection with her elimination. SO now I just change her ASAP so that she doesn't get a rash. But I am just tired of the constant changes. Maybe I should set the timer and try taking her every hour. She often pees if I put her on the potty. If being the key word.

Really, I do.

But I'll tell you what.... He makes me crazy! Not always, just sometimes. It's almost always in relation to something he's done, or not done, or somethin I think he's not done. He just can't seem to get anything right. Uh... Ya, it's all him, that right! If only he could read my mind and know exactly what I need from him. Men! What's the matter with them?!

In truth, my husband is a GREAT guy. We've both grown a lot over the last five years. He leaves his dirty clothes hanging on the clutter in our walk-in closet, but at least he doesn't complain that he has no clean clothes until they start to stink. He's very supportive of most of my parenting choices... now, anyway. He leaves me the "good" car on days when I'm feeling overwhelmed and want to drive somewhere- that way I don't have to move the carseats around. He watches the kids several times a week so I can get downtime (a relatively new development, but wonderful!). Overall, he is a great guy. He loves and cares for his family, and I love him for it.

HOWEVER. Can I just say the computer stuff that he does (and doesn't do) makes me crazy? SERIOUSLY! Take this blog, for example. I started it to share my thoughts, daily events, etc, with my family and friends. That would include him. Does he read it? Well, I highly doubt it. Until today, I would have said, "NO!" But maybe he does. I hear he showed it off to a work associate of his recently. On the one hand, that kind of creeps me out. I don't mind if dozens of strangers stop by, or close friends, but it's just WEIRD to think that somebody I know, but don't really KNOW, might be reading here.

But back to ranting about my husband. He sets me up with this program, Quanta, to write my blog, which is now on my own domain and server. He helped me to pick a template. Great! Yet... Not great. He knows that I've probably never read more than two pages of an owners manual. He says, "I thought you wanted to learn HTML." "You said you wanted to learn html." and "You've got to validate it so everybody can read it, it needs to look good on everyone's browser." I suppress the urge to swear. I really don't care. So what if some random stranger can read my page. Screw 'um. I cry that he doesn't care about me! "When was the last time you read my page?" He replies, "About ten minutes ago." That doesn't count. When was the last time before that? "Well, I showed M before I went on my trip so he could see how good you are at html." What is wrong with you? I think. Why can't you just let me win the arguement? I know he's right. He's always right. I hate that. Stupid Man. I'd like to kick him, I would.

**SOB!** When I try to validate, if keeps saying things like "[/tr] on line xyz seems to overlap [td], opened on line previousxyz." (Of course with the neat little pointy brackets what I don't know how to include in this text. Help! That's almost the only error my Syntax check turns up, and I feel totally clueless. Perhaps a google search with turn up the answer.

I DO want to learn HTML, but I am SO frustrated!

Hey, aren't I supposed to be at the library right now.

Damn those shedules. I'll go read instead! :-)

Weight Watcher, I am.

But boy am I feeling good about it. I was sick last week, so for the most part I didn't eat a ton. However, I didn't exercise or journal, so when I woke up Saturday morning, I did NOT want to go to Weight Watchers. I was afraid the scale was going to show a gain and that I would be discouraged. I decided to go anyway. Who cares if I gain a few pounds, right? I'm just trying to get healthier.

I lost FOUR pounds! Yes, FOUR! I was shocked. I was pleased. I sat through the meeting. After I stopped to talk with the leader. I commented that I thought I might hit my first goal next week or the week after. I went out to my car. And I began to cry. I cried almost the whole way home. Why? I couldn't believe I had finally broken through my plateau.

I had been stuck between 12 and 16 pounds for more than three months, go up and down, and I was so frustrated. I'm now at 18 pounds and I'm feeling so good about it. It's my hope that I can continue to do well. Two more pounds and I'll have lost 10% of my initial body weight. I'm much more active, I'm eating more fruits and vegetables, drinking more water, and my clothes fit better. I think the best part though, is how much BETTER I feel. My moods still seem to go crazy on their own from time to time, but over all, I'm much more in the moment. I play with my kids so much more and I'm HAPPIER. Exercise, good for the body, good for the soul. :-)

I am tired.

That is all.

There's a thread over at YAAPS right now discussing the rates of tearing and episiotomy during childbirth. It just bothers me so much on so many levels how so many women are mutilated during birth. It astonds me how something that has been shown not only to be unnecessary in the vast majority of births, but to actually be quite harmful... Is still a pretty standard, routine practice. That woman after woman says "I don't want to be cut," and OBs say, "Only if it's neccessary," even as they know with near 100% certainty that the mother will be cut. It makes me sick. It makes me angry.

I had a relatively easy birth with my first daughter, in spite of the fact that we were in the hospital. I feel lucky. I managed to avoid an induction (though my membranes had been painlessly stripped a few days earlier.) I had an IV pushed on me, and other standard hospital stuff- monitering, cervical checks every few hours, no food or drink except ice chips and I think I might have been allowed some apple juice. I was uncomfortable with being in a strange place and felt homesick, but my mom and husband we're there to support me, and it wasn't a nightmare. I did get cut though. My OB arrived when I was pushing. I "looked" like I was going to tear, so she cut me. I don't remember being warned, though Nick tells me I was. The nurses and staff coached my pushing and I wanted to tell them to go to hell. Anyway, the OB cut me, I tore anyway, and was in pain for months and months. It was a full year or more before I felt recovered.

Then there is my second birth... Jade was 7 lbs, 14 oz and under 19 inches long. She was a tiny thing compared to Nova. Nova was 9 lbs 10 ozs and 21.5 inches long. Her head circumference was 14.5 inches (larger than average) and I birthed BOTH SHOULDERS at the SAM TIME. I had only the tiniest tear that didn't require stitches. It smarted for about four days (when I peed) and I had virtually NO PAIN with my tear. I did lots of resesarch on tearing vs episiotomies while pregnant the second go round. I'd take a tear over an epis anytime. Thinking about birthing with a surgeon (which is what an OB is, first and foremost) makes me cringe. What is wrong with American women that they don't see the travesty of hospital birth for what it is? I just do not get it!

Weight is a huge problem in the US. Nearly two-thirds of adults in the United States are overweight, and 30.5 percent are obese, according to data from the 1999-2000 National Health and Nutrition Examination Survey (NHANES). The National Insititute of Diabetes and Digestive and Kidney Diseases has an excellent fact sheet presenting the issues that go hand in hand with being overweight and obese.

My main reason for wanting to lose weight is personal. Diabetes runs in my family. My dad has it. My granddad had it too, and ultimately, it killed him. He suffered for more than five years with complication after complication. Congestive heart failure got him in the end. My dad, he's got eye problems now, related to his diabetes and weight. He's got early stage glaucoma and diabetic retinoplathy. He could eventually go blind. I know that scares him, and it scares me too. I know I'm at risk for developing it too, especially since when I visited the eye doctor early this year, she said I have "high pressure" in my eyes. Until I lost 10 or 15 pounds and started exercising regularily, I had high blood pressure too, putting me at additional risk. The thought of going blind totally freaks me out.

My Dad, he's not 300 lbs+ (but if he was, I wouldn't judge him for it! I love my dad the way he is!) He takes reasonably good care of himself. But he is overweight, and I wish he'd take a little better care of himself. When he keeps a food journal, eating right and exercising, he can keep his blood sugar SO much better under control. I love my Dad and I want him to see his grandkids graduate from high school, go to college, get married, and one day have babies of their own. (Preferably in that order!) I want him healthy!

My BMI is 31.2. I would like it to be under 30, preferably under 25.

An expert panel convened by the National Heart, Lung, and Blood Institute (NHLBI) in cooperation with the National Institute of Diabetes and Digestive and Kidney Diseases (NIDDK), both part of the National Institutes of Health (NIH) identified overweight as a BMI of 25-29.9 kg/mē, and obesity as a BMI of 30 kg/mē or greater. However, overweight and obesity are not mutually exclusive, since people who are obese are also overweight.[1] Defining overweight as a BMI of 25 or greater is consistent with the recommendations of the World Health Organization [2] and most other countries.
*niddk

None of this is too bash people who are overweight or obese! It's not about you!

People are not their weight, and a person shouldn't be defined by their weight, body size, or shape. One's weight is not the same as their worth. I think it's awesome when people love themselves for themself, regardles of whether they are large or small. Just be healthy. Take care of yourself!

Compared to the rest of the US, I'm only slightly larger than the majority of women. But according to my BMI, I AM obese. Not morbidly obese, thankfully, I'm almost out of the medically defined category "obese." But still, my desire to move out of that category does not mean I have an eating disorder! If anything, I'm working to get out of an eating disorder! (Binge eating.) Yah, it's something I'd like to have control over. But I'm not going to starve myself to do it! I'm not going to deprive myself to lose weight because that only backfires. It fuels the cycle. I'm going to learn moderation, healthy choices.

This looks interesting... a person of size

I like the idea. I'd like to join. I am a person of size, of substance. But I am working to lose weight. I am in no way starving myself. But I do intend to work wowards losing weight in a healthy manner.

A few times in recent months a friends has gotten bitchy with me when I complained about gaining weight that week. Well... It's not really about making myself smaller. I want to be in good health. I don't want to develop diabetes or any other terrible disease that comes along with obesity. I love myself for who I am and that's why I am learning to take good care of myself.

I'm working on a tenative homeschooling schedule. Yes, I will become better organized this year. I refuse to feel like I'm being sucked into a CHAOS whirlpool more than 2/3s of the time!

We're Going Camping!

Can you believe it? I've reserved a site at Henry Cowell Redwoods State Park the first weekend in September. I am imagining that this is going to be wonderful. I love to camp, and haven't been camping since before we moved to California over three years ago. We have a nice sized dome tent, easy-up, three sleeping bags, and a cooler. That's the most basic, vital equipment, right? What else will I need? I'd like to keep it all as inexpensive as possible, but don't want to suffer either. I should find out if they have grills for cooking on.

Here's my list so far:

• tent
• sleeping bags
• two days and nights worth of groceries (not forgetting s'more stuff!)
• warm and cool weather clothes
• grilling equipment (flipper thing for meat, other?)
• plates and picnic-ware
• firewood, matches and paper-tinder/ firestarter
• Should I go buy some lawn chairs to stretch out on by the fire?
• flashlights or lanterns
• disposable camera for Jade
• pillows

And a menu of sorts:

Friday

• Lunch:
  Something quick and easy, like nut butter and jelly sandwiches
• PM Snack:
  Fresh Fruit or Pre-Cut up Veggies
• Dinner:
  Grilled Barbeque Chicken and side dish (corn maybe? Baked Potato?)

Saturday
• Breakfast:
  I often skip breakfast and have a peice of fruit for AM Snack around 10. However I'll probably bring paper bowls, spoons, half a gallon of milk and some dry cereal for the girls and Nick.
• AM Snack:
  Fruit
• Lunch:
  Potluck Lunch with the MotheringDotCom Mamas. We're supposed to bring a salad.
• PM Snack:
  More potluck yummies, I imagine!
• Dinner:
  I'm thinking burgers on the grill, yum! Fresh lettuce and tomatoes with pickles, cheese, ketchup and mustard. No onions though, blech.

Sunday
• Breakfast and/ or AM Snack:
  Fruit or Cold Cereal
• Lunch:
  We'll be on our way home, so we'll most likely stop somewhere and eat out.
• Dinner:
  Back home, ah!

Look!